I recently opened the back on one of my film cameras which I thought was empty. It was such a frustrating feeling knowing that I destroyed the existing images by doing a single action, an action so easily avoidable. All I had to do was gently turn the film rewind lever to check if the camera was loaded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I view un-shot film as a small object of great potential. The possibilities of what it can capture is endless, yet the medium can be irreversibly damaged, so easily destroyed, but only through stupid mistakes. Its always a stupid mistake. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
With this roll, I pulled the film from the camera and realized that the amount of film used was only about 5 or 6 shots. What ever those 5 or 6 frames were, I will never know and I will never get to see those moments I previously felt worth capturing. Still the roll of film has about 30 shots left on it. It still has potential, and a use, more so than cheaper film which only has 24-27 shots on a single roll. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amidst my frustration and a tinge of loss, I pulled the roll out and threw it carelessly into my car. Later that day I saw the outside of the canister all scraped up from the sand and surfboards in my car. The previously shot portions of film were mangled and folded. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It took me a couple days to realize something. Something which I think is a lesson I will apply to portions of my life now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The roll of film has less potential to capture as many moments than it previously had; however, it can still do more than others. The loss of previous frames won’t impact the quality of future ones shot. My initial reaction to part of the roll being damaged made me feel as though the whole roll was a waste. But 5\/6 of the roll is still perfectly usable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I guess my take away is that, a small set back in the past can’t ruin future success. Things that have been damaged still have so much potential. The roll of film shouldn’t be thrown out, or left to sit on a shelf. What is left should be used. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The roll of film will one day be complete, most of it will be filled with smiles and memories worth remembering. Some of it will capture moments of sadness and ones to learn from. Yet no matter what, part of that roll will be shaped my memories forgotten, damaged through a mistake. Having damaged portions is now part of its identity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Looking at my journey through managing my mental health I have lots of days where I feel helpless and worthless. I should look at myself within the same framing as I do that roll of film. Recognize the future will hold a wide array of emotions and mistakes of the past have not changed the capacity which still lies within. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also hello to future me looking back on this. I really be on some dumb introspective shit right now huh? Present me is very interested to see how I\/you react to reading this months or years from now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Song playing as I finish writing this: “Finding My Way Home” x Far Caspian, it’s oddly applicable. And nah Im not gonna proof read this. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I recently opened the back on one of my film cameras which I thought was empty. It was such a frustrating feeling knowing that I destroyed the existing images by doing a single action, an action so easily avoidable. All I had to do was gently turn the film rewind lever to check if the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-275","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/275","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=275"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/275\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":277,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/275\/revisions\/277"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=275"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=275"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=275"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}