I just finished writing this and I’m so tired. Weird seeing the last sentence written at the start of the piece. Right? You know this sentence is how it all ends, but you still have no idea how this will end. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is something to be said about instinct. A gut feeling. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everyone has heard “Go With Your Gut”. The internet is littered with quotes like, “Trust Your Gut”, “Just Go with Your Gut Instinct Because Its Smarter Than Your Heart”, “Your Gut Knows Whats Up, Trust That Bitch”, etc. Until recently, I had never thought of why the anthropomorphic organ was connected to a means of intelligence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m not a scientist, nor do I currently have the energy to cite my sources, but I recently found out that the gut, the human digestive tract, actually has a direct effect on the brain, its levels of stress, its ability to rebound from hardship, and overall mental health. You may read this and think “How the hell did you not know that?!” but I don’t know, I just didn’t. I don’t know if that’s normal or not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am always thinking introspectively. I feel like I know myself very well, but sometimes that knowledge causes more trouble than clarity. I guess recently I have been thinking about trusting myself. I’m always telling myself “I don’t know how I feel.” So often my brains logic and my hearts emotions are fighting each other, trying to tell the other they are right. As with many, my brain is trying to use logic in order to protect my heart, my heart is telling me to take risks so that my brain doesn’t make my life boring. I understand my logic, I know my brain. I understand my emotions, I know my heart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Still, I rarely understanding what I feel<\/em>, I guess I don’t know my gut. Of course I knew natural instinct plays a role in my decision making (but I’ve never connected that instinct to my gut, I always considered it source code in my brain), but now I’m asking myself “Have you ever allowed it (my gut) room to speak?” <\/p>\n\n\n\n And no. I haven’t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I try to understand my emotions through bodily sensations. After listening to a podcast I like, I have started to record the different ways my emotions manifest themselves as sensations. I feel sadness in my chest and triceps. I feel disappointment in my chest. I feel calm in my hands. I feel anger in my forearms. I feel stress in my sternum. I recently felt something I’ve only felt a couple times in my life. I might change this later, but I think what Im feeling is truth. “Truth” is not really an “emotion” but it’s a physical manifestation of confirmation. It’s something felt by my pragmatic brain and my wild emotions, but it’s not a direct product of either one. Physically its a manifestation of a drop in my stomach. Its only really happened a few times in my life. What I find odd is that it doesn’t appear with any specific emotion, I can think of a time I’ve felt it while overjoyed, and I can think of a time I’ve felt it while in pain. It’s confirmation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What I know now, is my brain and heart need to stop fighting each other once my gut makes its call. It doesn’t make itself known often, but when it does it’s right. The drop in my gut is the final bell, in the final round, of an even fight. My brain and heart fought admirably and evenly, but one will be undoubtedly affirmed as victorious but the other will know for a fact that it wasn’t a fair fight. Those two parts of my thinking are always going to be at war. Logic vs. Emotion. But I need to let myself relax when I feel my gut stops the fight. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Currently I am dealing with heartbreak. When it ended, my brain said “I kept fucking<\/em> telling you it wasn’t going to work, I tell you every time, listen to me for once<\/em>” and then rolled its eyes and stormed off in frustration. On the other hand, my heart, the optimist, patted me on the back, told me I never need to worry about the “what if,” and then sat down and relaxed knowing it had done its job of keeping life colorful. I feel like it’s a paradox of processing of my emotions. Both my logic and heart are completely confident in their actions. Which is why I never know which way to go. It’s not that I don’t trust myself, I guess I trust myself too much. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, I’m looking back at all the moments I spent with her, because thats what happens. People say you see the past in 20\/20. In this case, thats not the case. I relive the fight between my logic and emotions. I relive it like I don’t know the outcome. I see the rounds in which my brain conquered and the rounds in which my heart emerged victorious. And I see the affirmation of truth held by each. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Leading up to the end of having this person in my life, my gut made its call and I should have trusted it. It would have saved me a lot of mental strain. I felt the drop. While my brain and heart continued fighting each speaking their own truths, my gut knew<\/em> what we had was over when she started calling me “Chris” and not “Christopher”. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I just finished writing this and I’m so tired. Weird seeing the last sentence written at the start of the piece. Right? You know this sentence is how it all ends, but you still have no idea how this will end. There is something to be said about instinct. A gut feeling. Everyone has heard […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-260","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/260","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=260"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/260\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":265,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/260\/revisions\/265"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caucasianasian.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}